A pet needs an appropriate name — In 2013, I met a dog named “Steve,” and I was just delighted! “Steve?! That’s a people name!” I exclaimed. Simply wonderful! It was an experience not unlike my first apple cider donut. I remember thinking I could have one thousand more of those — and I wanted all the…

And I’ve never been happier! — I run a moderately popular Mac News/Review site on YouTube, and as part of an ongoing series, I recently purchased twelve used MacBook Pro laptops. My other site is pretty dry — the purpose of this purchase was to show the different levels of user fixability in subsequent generations of…

Because sex sells — As the third-lowest-rated writer on this site, I possess rare and highly illuminating insight into the human condition — I also have an enormous hog. You might not see the point of an article like this. …

The things we do to win our fathers’ love — The thing about me is I’m not just the third-lowest-rated writer on this site. I’m also an inventor. Check out these inventions I invented way back in 2010 for an issue of my cult-favorite humor magazine, Skizzleplex, which I also invented. As you can see from the illustrations above, I…

I love my American Girl doll — I know what you’re going to say: “You’re a thirty-year-old straight male; you went out and bought a $115 doll from a website: THAT’S A GREAT IDEA!” And you’re right: it is a great idea! I named her Cristifina Filipkowski after my brother’s childhood imaginary friend, who died of neglect…

Are you? And/or should we care? — In two thousand-and-whatever, I was on Friendster. I was happy. It was fine. Good enough. But one day, everybody just left. They were gone — to MySpace! “It’s better; you can have a Top 8 friends list!” and “There’s music!” You know what happened next. Facebook. Remember that three-month period…

A Requiem For A Marriage — "Oh no, my taco broke!" I screamed out in what I thought was a funny, childlike voice. "Godamn it!" She said, not matching my playful energy at all. She pulled the car over and immediately started angrily collecting bits of taco shell, lettuce, and meat that had sprayed onto the…

Never look a gift wolf in the mouth — Two things happened in the early spring of 2005: my family fell into financial ruin, and I became a wolf boy. You are probably thinking, “whoa, crazy! How did that even happen??” and you would be right — it was…

The simplest explanation is often the correct one — Arthur Brocktune was given a seemingly simple assignment in his eighth-grade English class: write a letter from your future self, addressed to you in the present. The problem was, he couldn’t do it. It wasn’t a lack of imagination or even writer’s block. …